when i get that liquid courage i feel unstoppable. everything i want to say and do i have no thought behind it. i let it make me feel couragious. it takes a lot to admit that im addicted to the power i feel behind the drink. if i want to express my feelings and not care how anyone feels i do it. if i have an impulsive thought i act on it. if i want to be shy and pretend not to be outspoken i can do that. but the liquid courage i have sometimes has a price, sometimes im not nice and i will act out and do whatever i want. if you are around me you have to deal with it. i will shoot it to you straight no chaser. if you made me mad im telling you just like that. if im happy you will know and if im having mix feelings well there is normally no in between you get what i choose to give you in that moment. often times it makes feel sick but i still deal with it because without it i feel like i have no power and my voice is no longer being heard. i go back to being shy and asking myself why playing the events in my mind that occured and trying to figure out where was the blur. it really does become one sometimes because i will black out and not know what i did but those moments before i can either be your enemy or your friend it all depends on how intoxicated i am. sad part is i want to stop but cant i am brave when i have that drink, i am on top of the world….until im not and i want to stop and think but i cant i already had too much to drink so now, im free but not in the way i was suppose to be…..