I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was looking in the club, on the street, on the bus, at the bus stop, at the library. Nothing good ever came from any of those venture. I also wanted to fit in with the popular crowd. How many know when you try to fit in, you stand out in the wrong way! I use to love attention, I was build like a brick house, but didnt know my worth. I would often get compliments and take it to my head! sometimes I thought hey, I got drinks, I got money, I have my own place someone will help make this a home. One day, I met someone who did just that. He was a business man a few years older than me, he taught me alot about business and tried to show me how to save money. He help me raise my first son. He kept me in the nicest clothing, and often took me places even when I didnt ask. He was great with being a provider and helping support whatever ideas I had in mind. Often times, He would be the greatest. Taught me how to cook, clean, etc. How a woman is suppose to be for a man. I was young though, I didnt always do things the way he wanted. He put his hands on me and choke me. I thought it was suppose to be like that, he would threaten me, sometimes he would say mean things to me to make me feel like I was worthless. The sad part is despite all of that my son was spoiled, bills were paid. I just wasnt happy so what did I do act out. I would stay out all night, I would hang out at my friends houses until I thought he would leave or be sleep, I would just try to avoid him at times. The relationship took a turn and it was something I often blamed myself for. I would be afraid and have nightmares that he would kill me, I have experience him making promises of things he would do if I didnt have my son. I learned alot from him. but what it also made me do was treat someone else the same way. Not physically abused them, but mentally abused them. I lied about any and everything, I blamed the other person for whatever issues, I caused. I did alot of things that was done to me. See, people dont realize when you treat someone in a negative way, it may not show immediately, but the signs are there. It will often be passed on either to family, friend a child etc. Its sad because not just him, but other situations caused me to go from being happy go lucky to someone who turned bitter and sad. I just wish I would have knew God the same way I know him today. I know it was his protection and grandmother prayers that saved me from physical abuse. Woman need to really look for the signs, know it dont always start out right away it is slow and gradually gets bigger. It dont always have to be physical. Personally I think mental damage is worse! it made me insecure, didnt trust people especially men, it just made me all together lost.
Paperless Tales 