I feel the dark clouds slowly come over my head, I want to be free! I am tired like physically but mentally. I want God to use me to be an encouragement. I want to feel God fullness, its not easy but that is why we have free will. Lord free me from myself! I dont want to get left behind. Father free me from this captivity of confusion that I am living in. I want to feel the fire inside that I once felt. I want to see clearly, the way I have before! Father God in my heart I want more of you, but my flesh wont let me move, I feel trapped! I feel stuck, Like I am lacking something. I feel like I am slowly fading away from the lord. I dont want to feel the darkness anymore, I dont want to listen to the voices that tell me I am not worth it, that God will not supply my needs. I want to be free! I speak life into myself and my situation, I will own my own home! I will be a successful writer! I will be an outstanding mother and my children will know who you are! I can feel that my household is not in order! rid me of the devastation. I need more discipline I do not want to serve two Gods. I am tired of having children out of wedlock. I am not a victim of my circumstances, I am a solider! I will continue to fight! I will make it easy on myself! I need order, the voices need to be gone! the pain need to go away! Lord have mercy, the bad dreams need to go away! I am free, I am free no longer will I just sit back and watch other people prosper when I know that Lord faith without works are dead I dont want to keep feeling dead inside, Lord I am going to be whole again! I am going to feel your presence, you woke me up another day! please father dont leave me! I am desperate for you! In Jesus name make me over! I am at war with myself, I am in charge of my destiny!
Category: truth
RMJJ55
His words spoke to you like a melody. He is a musician who haven’t had a full chance to let his words be heard we would sit on the stoop and he would talk to me about life, love, happiness. Give me lectures and I was between the ages of 7-10. Some of the things I remember would be my uncle playing the piano different tunes from what I have heard. He would sing, make us laugh, play with us . I always made jokes and he told me I would someday be a comedian, he told me to keep my bubbly personality that I would make it famous one day. I would watch him wash his car in the rain, fix it when it was broken, and drive around playing his smooth jazz. I didn’t always know the things my uncle were up to. I just knew he loves us. I just knew he took care of my older cousins. I use to watch him get them ready for school in the morning, he would comb there hair, get them dress. Singing songs every chance he got. He spoke to us like a poet and some of the things I can not forget. Dont let anyone make you feel down, your a queen! I watched my cousins grow up and now they both are very successful! sometimes I wish I would have listened to his advice. Its not too late. He still makes music rmjj55 is his trademark. He is an artist and loves making cool sounds. He is one of the best that I know and I am grateful to have him in my life.Not only does unk make cool sounds, he makes abstract art in which is expresses his personality and creative side to a T. He is one of the pillar in his community helping young men and women express their creative side.
Recovery
Recovery
See I am in Recovery, not just from addiction but from life.
See Trauma use to be my friend and I played victim to my circumstances,
I blamed everyone else for my problems except for me.
See I use to feel like the world owed me something for what happened to me
Not only was I molested a few times by people I cared about, I was raped by people who
Pretended to like me. Some ways it was rape like my body was violated in a major way, In the guys mind,
He thought I wanted to play the game. But also raped of my identity, I didn’t see forest before the trees, I didn’t see that I was special and worth so much more than how I was being treated. I was raped of the love that I was given taking advantage in every way possible.
I am in recovery from the addiction of a bad habit to this world of lies, deception, and cruelty. This world will chew you up and spit you out like a piece of gum. But when your young you act dumb.
See, I was raised in a wonderful household despite some of the issues. My grandmother provided, love, pain, and showed me how to be independent. I learned about the world in a different way, I learned that everyone isnt your friend. You don’t need to be noticed to get attention.
See I am in recovery because depression was my best friend to sit and feel like it’s the end. Contemplating on how and when I will take my life, since I feel like its only right. But that’s the sucker way out. There is more in this world than to sacrifice foolishness for pleasure. I am slowly getting it together.
See I am in recovery because alcohol use to make me brave and all the things, I didn’t say sober came out in a slur when I hit the liquor. Alcohol made me feel unstoppable, it made me feel numb to my harsh reality. I had to use alcohol to take away the anxiety and the things in my mind that didn’t make sense. But what it was doing was making me sick. Not only physically but mentally. I am worth something, that drunken one-night stand isn’t worth nothing. The problem I am trying to block out is still returning
See I am in recovery from always feeling like I must be around people when its people who didn’t want to be around me. They only wanted to hear the sadness and insecurity. I let someone treat me how they thought I was supposed to be treated instead of the Queen that I really am. I am strong, I am brave, I am a child of God what more can I say.
See I am in recovery to be the woman I am meant to be, but
not just for my children, but for me.
I am not who you think I am. I am more than the negativity, I wish I never gave
away the good part of me for free. I wish I never let the wrong person in my
life, O wait a minute this is how you earn your stripes! This is how you get to
know the truth in the harsh world so I take these life lessons and put them to
use so I that I know what to look for the next time something thinks that can
pull those kinds of moves.
See I am in recovery to be a Christian woman to share the word of the lord. He has kept me this long so I can minister to the world. If you can take the time to speak of negative things, then you can take the time to speak of God and his Gospel that’s why I am building my temple so I can be ready for any and everything I am brave. I can breathe again; my father has let me be who he sees fit for me to be. Lord I thank you for giving me the key. The choice to see right from wrong. Now I can go on knowing I have you to watch over me. Thank you, grandma, for showing me Jesus. I am in recovering and it will not end here, Life is unfair, and I have done my fair share. I have hurt and lost but now its time to get all I can and be who I need to for them.
Paperless Tales 