I chose to stay, but when I did little did I know I would only be in your way. Its a shame, Its a shame that the trust in the relationship faded away. You wake up mad about the past, I go to sleep thinking about the past. were both in each other way. Trust don’t come easy that’s what I say. How can you say you trust me but wake up mad at me about something from three years ago. who knows,… there no way we can move forward in this truth. because, the truth is I hurt you and you hurt me too. with one lie behind the next, but you said you forgave me not that seems like regret…. to keep throwing around what you think could of been, were better off as friends…. no need to get to deep into it, because we were both hurt from the start.
Category: Uncategorized
Disrespectful Phase
Yelling, Screaming, Throwing things, Now she’s at a disrespectful phase. It doesn’t matter that you are trying to sleep the wee hours in the morning is when she weeps. Crying out for attention from anyone she has awaken, shaking by the rumble in her voice, the harshness in her tone, why cant this just leave me alone! I sit quietly sometimes listening to the roars of the night wondering whom she wants to fight…. is it me, is it he, is it we just cant give you the satisfactory of your desires! Money isnt enough, food isnt enough, space isnt enough for you to be sain..no disrespectful phase is where you are where you treat me as if I owe you something, why cry out when you really fight the person that helps, lack of trust is what you shown towards the one who loves you the most. I cant help, I’ve tried, I cant any longer go further with this phase your in what about my children!!!! Stop and think what they see, you acting as a terror in the night no wonder they put up a fight it’s what they see in this phase that your creating..
.
Simplicity
I enjoy the simple things family time. I enjoy just going to the store to window shop and know that I will come back to buy what I saw, I enjoy a nice tv show and I enjoy doing my bible study to build my relationship with God. I enjoy time with my children just watching them play, going to the park, see I am a simple person. Sometimes I wish I wasnt does that mean that respect would be different. I am humble should I not be this way or would the level of conversation be different. Do you understand that being simple sometimes causes people to treat you in a certain way that do not always end up good. But I am simple see you know I will accept the small things in life. AM I wrong for being simple and just liking the basic necessities.
Starting and stopping. It is completely necessary for me. It doesnt matter what I am doing why is it hard to.finish?
Desperate Cry
I feel the dark clouds slowly come over my head, I want to be free! I am tired like physically but mentally. I want God to use me to be an encouragement. I want to feel God fullness, its not easy but that is why we have free will. Lord free me from myself! I dont want to get left behind. Father free me from this captivity of confusion that I am living in. I want to feel the fire inside that I once felt. I want to see clearly, the way I have before! Father God in my heart I want more of you, but my flesh wont let me move, I feel trapped! I feel stuck, Like I am lacking something. I feel like I am slowly fading away from the lord. I dont want to feel the darkness anymore, I dont want to listen to the voices that tell me I am not worth it, that God will not supply my needs. I want to be free! I speak life into myself and my situation, I will own my own home! I will be a successful writer! I will be an outstanding mother and my children will know who you are! I can feel that my household is not in order! rid me of the devastation. I need more discipline I do not want to serve two Gods. I am tired of having children out of wedlock. I am not a victim of my circumstances, I am a solider! I will continue to fight! I will make it easy on myself! I need order, the voices need to be gone! the pain need to go away! Lord have mercy, the bad dreams need to go away! I am free, I am free no longer will I just sit back and watch other people prosper when I know that Lord faith without works are dead I dont want to keep feeling dead inside, Lord I am going to be whole again! I am going to feel your presence, you woke me up another day! please father dont leave me! I am desperate for you! In Jesus name make me over! I am at war with myself, I am in charge of my destiny!
Not sure
I was raised to do everything on time. I was taught there is order with everything you do. A womans job is never done. Although I was raised with order I still somehow seem to mess up. I often am unorganized and cant seem to find my way. Things get pushed back and I delay alot of import events due to lack of organization. Now factor in anxiety, depression, and children. The day starts early at 6am and all of the children are awake hungry, need to be wash and dressed. Its a mad house in the morning! whats a mother to do. Breath I tell myself it will be ok. How do you cope with mental health and time management?
Tasteless Feast
Come sit with me at the table for a minute… what do you see?
I see someone pretending to be a friend staring back at me
I feel the knife in my bag going deeper than before, wait a minute I handed it to them so nice that make me more sore!
Come sit with me for a while let me show you some things
Open your eyes girl cant you see your being played!
Its like a nasty dish of dinner beiing served up in front of you
A bitter friend is like Tea without the sugar
A liar is like unseason chicken that looks like its flavorful
lets not forget the dessert
the sweet talk that you get on a daily where someone tells you how much they care to make you think you feel good but its tastless where is the sugar now this is no good
wait but lets go around the table again and see what was said your so funny, I love you etc. but then its shes fake, shes phony, she slow, hold up but where did all this so called love go
your like a side that I didnt order but got anyway and just so the chef didnt feel bad I scap it around my plate. see just like you played with me I was playing with you. Dumbing myself down but hey I am slow remember so its cool. I wish I never met you but I am lying see thanks for the lesson and dinner was exciting.
See I saw all the things I needed to today and before we leave which one of us has to pay.
Unaccepted
Was there a time where you felt like you werent good enough. Everything you did to be accepted didnt mean anything. Your family and friends take you as a joke and the minute you speak your mind its a problem. I mean nobody takes you serious except your children. You just want respect, you just want love, you just want someone to care like you do. One day you come across someone who gives you all you are looking for, what do you do? do you welcome the person or close the door? see I am letting you in on my personal life, things from my past and my present but a part of me is thinking what will the outcome be. Am I giving you something more bad to talk about or just filling you in on the things you been missing. NO really take the time to read because alot of this is coming from frustration, guilt, hurt , and shame some of this is trauma that cant be explained. But I am grown now and want to help someone else, so take a look and go head and talk about it who know how it may help. I am going to continue to give you a piece of me as long as God knows its helping someone get set free.
Inappropriate
You just went to church today, you had a hangover and you still kneel down to pray. Your mind isnt clear but your nodding to the Pastor like you know whats going on. Deep down inside your thinking about the beer your going to have when you get home. Is it because of the kids or you just cant help that you have so much to drink that even with the smell of alcohol on your breath your still saying thank you Jesus. Whats wrong with you did you really need to go to that club last night. Why so you can turn up and act silly then have a headache and be dehydrated whats wrong with you what is it going to take. You been to the club every weekend and then have the nerve to go to church. Church yea that is the place to get to know the lord but do people have to smell you too. Go head give them something to talk about. But God said come as you are, but that meant sober, not hungover. I know everyone was pretending now to smell it on me giving me hugs and not saying nothing. But if they did its my fault going to church like that its like playing with God and all of that will catch up…
Your so Nice!
Your so nice, I can take advantage of you. Use you for whatever I want and then tell people about how I did it. Your so nice, why dont you act like your mean so other people can leave you alone. Your so nice that I am going to take whatever I need and then you will never hear from me again unless I need something. Notice its just about me and I no we or us therefore what you thought was a friendship is just a bust. You are someone helping me boost my ego. See your so nice and you tell me all your problems you let me into your world and I feel special. I can take over and make you feel little about yourself. See your so nice, I can have you believe anything and laugh behind your back. Your so nice, why do you really care. See I am so nice and really there because deep down inside I feel bad for you, being such a selfish person who reallly dont have anyone who care for you. See Im so nice since your always so stressed its not my fault you got into this mess but hey let me guess, you need a drink, you need to think, you need sometime to unwind. See I am so nice because you are not and I know you dont really care about me too much and thats alot to take in and think about but hey no need to pout. See I am so nice because I am so bored what time is it again I got a show about to come on. See I saw what you were doing from the rip but I chose to stay around cuz I am a good friend!
Paperless Tales 