I have to sometimes find ways to channel my depression like truly as a mother your not aloud to be sad or have break downs you have to figure out which way to handle certain things that can cause a trigger in your life like a song, smell, location, or even person. you cant sit in front of your child and cry and so you decide to find a quiet place in the house away from the noise and just cry or either scream or pray but u decided once you get it out your system that there is not turning back that it has been taking care of. but what if it hasnt and just like a band aid covering an wound you decide to pick at the scab until it bleeds and it has to be treated again you decide the first way you handled the issue didnt work so you try another method calling a friend now this friend you calll u dont really know what they got going on in their life but you just know they answer and then you break down all of your emotions and tirggers of what is causing you to sink into depression and you think there that it they have listened gave feedback and i got it out my system so you think you left the conversation satisfied but this feeling just wont go away so now what do you decide to do to ease the pain and the emotions your feeling look at funny videos or shows to take your mind off spend some time with your kids to use as a distraction to get out of your own head and still no progress that feeling you have deepens to the point where its like although you a present physically mentally you are not there its one thought after the next and you think of the methods you used before that didnt work so then you go to the liquor store and get yourself a beverage to just take the edge off and numb the pain your feeling nd thoughts your having but then you notice your almost done that drink and decide to get another and another and one thing leads to the next and now your drunk and your mind is racing and at the same time not thinkng striaght you decide to comfront your demons but in a way where not your creating a bigger problem than before and your fighting yourself mentally because you tried to talk to a friend that didnt work, you tried to have time to yourself and that didnt work so now your drunk and acting out what your feeling to yourself or someone close to you trying to find out why you were sad in the first place what caused you to go so far that you had to keep drinking to subside the emotions how is this even helping you get better and after all of that you still have the problem so do i you really come up with a full blown solution to help with depression you just learn to accept it and pray to God day by day that it will get better you dont blame others for not understanding you or blame yourself for not understanding you do research read the bible and pray and talk to a professional to see how you can manage day to day with mental illness i hope that this help you see that you are not alone that it is a fight and you will get through keep pushing yourself and dont give up
Tag: depressed
Tasteless Feast
Come sit with me at the table for a minute… what do you see?
I see someone pretending to be a friend staring back at me
I feel the knife in my bag going deeper than before, wait a minute I handed it to them so nice that make me more sore!
Come sit with me for a while let me show you some things
Open your eyes girl cant you see your being played!
Its like a nasty dish of dinner beiing served up in front of you
A bitter friend is like Tea without the sugar
A liar is like unseason chicken that looks like its flavorful
lets not forget the dessert
the sweet talk that you get on a daily where someone tells you how much they care to make you think you feel good but its tastless where is the sugar now this is no good
wait but lets go around the table again and see what was said your so funny, I love you etc. but then its shes fake, shes phony, she slow, hold up but where did all this so called love go
your like a side that I didnt order but got anyway and just so the chef didnt feel bad I scap it around my plate. see just like you played with me I was playing with you. Dumbing myself down but hey I am slow remember so its cool. I wish I never met you but I am lying see thanks for the lesson and dinner was exciting.
See I saw all the things I needed to today and before we leave which one of us has to pay.
Your so Nice!
Your so nice, I can take advantage of you. Use you for whatever I want and then tell people about how I did it. Your so nice, why dont you act like your mean so other people can leave you alone. Your so nice that I am going to take whatever I need and then you will never hear from me again unless I need something. Notice its just about me and I no we or us therefore what you thought was a friendship is just a bust. You are someone helping me boost my ego. See your so nice and you tell me all your problems you let me into your world and I feel special. I can take over and make you feel little about yourself. See your so nice, I can have you believe anything and laugh behind your back. Your so nice, why do you really care. See I am so nice and really there because deep down inside I feel bad for you, being such a selfish person who reallly dont have anyone who care for you. See Im so nice since your always so stressed its not my fault you got into this mess but hey let me guess, you need a drink, you need to think, you need sometime to unwind. See I am so nice because you are not and I know you dont really care about me too much and thats alot to take in and think about but hey no need to pout. See I am so nice because I am so bored what time is it again I got a show about to come on. See I saw what you were doing from the rip but I chose to stay around cuz I am a good friend!
She knows
being a child growing up in a household where certain things should be revealed. You have to act normal to the outside world, make it all look like your normal and happy.
Did we have it all yes! We had love, we had each other, we were taught to read, write, act, sing, dance, build, design, etc. we all were able to explore our creative sides of each other.
what we didnt know was that messing with each other in a sexual manner was not normal, we didnt know that as children, or teens. We should not sexual touch each other. We should not put any hand on anyone.
Growing up and having your innocents taking away in a fashion where it had a name, we are growing up and developing exploring each other. so much so that when you finally leave the home that started what i look at as a curse and hope that it stays there and not travel any where else.
it travels everywhere you go but not physically. its all mental, when you see other families and children. you think to yourself are they molesting each other. when you see a man with his daughter your wondering is she really happy and safe or is the trip to the toy story something to cover up for what he will do later in the night.
when everyone looks like a monster to you and you never talk to certain family memembers about it, you lock it away in your mind and live your life.
she knows that its wrong to talk about it, but its wrong to think everyone encountered the same thing that she did. Its crazy to think about it and not realize that as you grow older you look for the traits in people. but are the traits I mean can you really pinpoint it
she knows that your not suppose to bring it back up. she knows that your suppose to put in behind you. she knows she wouldnt dear let that happen to her children or do it to anyone else.
she knows when she went to threapy at the age of 13 to talk about it that it would be reported. she knows that if it was brought up at any family function it would get ignored so what does she do instead wait until she 32 with 5 children to let it out so that someone who is indeed going through it at this very moment know it may seem like your alone.
it may seem like you cant talk about it, it may seem like you wont escape it but there is help. there is a way to get by and you can survive use it as your testimony!
Welcome
.” I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”
—Philippians 4:13
No need to be dull! live you life! Prayer helps with everything! God saves! Repent! God will set you free, no need to fight yourself! laugh! write! read! be blessed! Express yourself!
Paperless Tales 