Tag: happy

My last Goodbye….
cheater · Friendship · pain · Reality · strength · truth · Uncategorized

My last Goodbye….

loveli7659Leave a comment

I shed a tear because I have no more tears left to cry

It’s like I’ve become numb to all of the foolishness and the lies

Too much on my mind, my thoughts running wild over the lies

but it’s not all on you, it’s me too! I was not supportive enough

I didn’t make you feel safe and secure, so you ran to something new

You ran to something new or maybe even comforting.

How am I supposed to believe that is all not happening,

As I sit and watch it unfold, I pray to God that you have exactly what you are looking for

Don’t worry, I’ll be fine when its all said it done it was a long journey

lots of pain, lots of joy, lots of laughter but no matter where we stand today

You are still someone who was empathizing with my pain

you look me in my face and told a lie and this one is something I can’t come back from

so as I am packing my bags and walking out ill be sure to leave a note to list the reasons why

I can’t keep masking the pain I feel inside

smiling in your face knowing you just came from a stranger’s place

I can’t speak to you the same, call me crazy but this is a different kind of escape this time around

no need to worry God is going to hold you down and when you come out of that lost place you are in

just remember you still have a friend.

accepted · family · Friendship · life · lonely · Uncategorized

Unaccepted

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Was there a time where you felt like you werent good enough. Everything you did to be accepted didnt mean anything. Your family and friends take you as a joke and the minute you speak your mind its a problem. I mean nobody takes you serious except your children. You just want respect, you just want love, you just want someone to care like you do. One day you come across someone who gives you all you are looking for, what do you do? do you welcome the person or close the door? see I am letting you in on my personal life, things from my past and my present but a part of me is thinking what will the outcome be. Am I giving you something more bad to talk about or just filling you in on the things you been missing. NO really take the time to read because alot of this is coming from frustration, guilt, hurt , and shame some of this is trauma that cant be explained. But I am grown now and want to help someone else, so take a look and go head and talk about it who know how it may help. I am going to continue to give you a piece of me as long as God knows its helping someone get set free.

She knows
Uncategorized

She knows

loveli7659Leave a comment

being a child growing up in a household where certain things should be revealed. You have to act normal to the outside world, make it all look like your normal and happy.

Did we have it all yes! We had love, we had each other, we were taught to read, write, act, sing, dance, build, design, etc. we all were able to explore our creative sides of each other.

what we didnt know was that messing with each other in a sexual manner was not normal, we didnt know that as children, or teens. We should not sexual touch each other. We should not put any hand on anyone.

Growing up and having your innocents taking away in a fashion where it had a name, we are growing up and developing exploring each other. so much so that when you finally leave the home that started what i look at as a curse and hope that it stays there and not travel any where else.

it travels everywhere you go but not physically. its all mental, when you see other families and children. you think to yourself are they molesting each other. when you see a man with his daughter your wondering is she really happy and safe or is the trip to the toy story something to cover up for what he will do later in the night.

when everyone looks like a monster to you and you never talk to certain family memembers about it, you lock it away in your mind and live your life.

she knows that its wrong to talk about it, but its wrong to think everyone encountered the same thing that she did. Its crazy to think about it and not realize that as you grow older you look for the traits in people. but are the traits I mean can you really pinpoint it

she knows that your not suppose to bring it back up. she knows that your suppose to put in behind you. she knows she wouldnt dear let that happen to her children or do it to anyone else.

she knows when she went to threapy at the age of 13 to talk about it that it would be reported. she knows that if it was brought up at any family function it would get ignored so what does she do instead wait until she 32 with 5 children to let it out so that someone who is indeed going through it at this very moment know it may seem like your alone.

it may seem like you cant talk about it, it may seem like you wont escape it but there is help. there is a way to get by and you can survive use it as your testimony!