accepted · addiction · daily · lonely · Uncategorized

Can you truly love me


can you truly love me when I’m down

Can you love me when I’m up and happy, being silly and just giddy all around you

can you love me when I’m a mess? My children have made me feel beautiful but I still don’t see it

can you love me and my curves the wrinkles that may form into a false smile but still hide the pain inside

can you love the way I love you when I see you down and even if I’m hurting lift you up?

can you love me the way God describes it in the bible as being patient and kind

can you love me when it seems everyone else has turned their back and I feel alone, I feel like the only true love I’ll ever get would be from someone who can benefit

can you truly love me and know that this is all I have to give is me, my life, my children, and my gifts…..

The only one who truly loves unconditionally is my heavenly father who also chose me…..

Can you LOVE ME….

christian · church · daily · free · godly counsel · godly values · godly ways · Gods gifts · Grace · hope · learning · life · newlife · patience · praying · Reality · strength · truth · Uncategorized · victorious

Finding Peace Through Prayer: Seeking a Better Life


This prayer is for the person who knows more than what they think they know:

Father bless him or her with the right job so that she doesn’t have to depend on their children’s father or family to help with any financial burden. Father if it is meant to be let whoever is supposed to be in his or her life be there and remove anyone that is not supposed to be in their life give him or her the patience to deal with everyday life and the strength to deal with whatever confusion or burdens that may come give peace joy hope faith and understanding. Father open his or her eyes to see which way you want them to go lead, guide, and direct them in any situation about their life their children’s lives, and their family lives Father protect him or her while they are driving working at home at school wherever it is that they’re doing daily so that they may know you are with them every step of the way. Dispatch your angels around him or her so that they may feel safe and loved, father whoever it is that doesn’t have their physical family member present please wrap your arms around him or her and let them know that you are with them or that they are never alone. Father, whoever it may be that feels alone, may feel shut out, left back, or even forgotten. Father bring them to the forefront so that they may know that you are with them in everything that happens in their life is for a reason. Father show up and show out in whatever way you can that no matter what is going on in his or her life they may know to call on you to restore everything that has been lost restore all the broken pieces mend those things sin heal their way and let them know that you always see everything you sit high and you look low and nothing is too big or too small for you and Jesus mean I pray for a good job for a good car for a stable bank account for strength in the time of trouble and take care of their home and Jesus name amen

accepted · christian · church · free · Friendship

Finding Strength Through Faith in Christ


Now that you realize you were a mess, Let me deliver you and you out if you want answers go to Jesus don’t go back to your son and God will deliver you you will get free, and stay out don’t go back to the things that don’t bring God glory arise because there is power and glory inside of you I need your voice and your business and ministry you need to grow in Christ. keep practicing your faith in God. he is maturing you and allowing you to walk in him, grow in Christ, and don’t allow yourself to be denied the things he has for you.

Uncategorized

ITS SETTLED


I am not letting another person make me think I am worthless, I am fearless, and I am free. God loves me more than anything and nobody can ever change that.; I thank God for loving me and showing me what it means to have real friends and family who aren’t blood-related.

it’s amazing how much God can show you how much he loves you by placing people in your life who truly loves you and doesn’t want nothing from you. I am grateful for my job, my friends, my children, my home and I know for sure I am not going to allow life to let me get into a depressed state ever again!!

I will not wait for someone to play with my feelings or even make me feel like I will never get anywhere, I am not who you say I am. I am who God called me to be. I am done being shy and will not make sure to speak my mind!

accepted · addiction · Drama · drinking · drunk · family · free · life · lonely · pain · patience · Reality · strength · truth · Uncategorized · victory

Deeper than Depression


I have to sometimes find ways to channel my depression like truly as a mother your not aloud to be sad or have break downs you have to figure out which way to handle certain things that can cause a trigger in your life like a song, smell, location, or even person. you cant sit in front of your child and cry and so you decide to find a quiet place in the house away from the noise and just cry or either scream or pray but u decided once you get it out your system that there is not turning back that it has been taking care of. but what if it hasnt and just like a band aid covering an wound you decide to pick at the scab until it bleeds and it has to be treated again you decide the first way you handled the issue didnt work so you try another method calling a friend now this friend you calll u dont really know what they got going on in their life but you just know they answer and then you break down all of your emotions and tirggers of what is causing you to sink into depression and you think there that it they have listened gave feedback and i got it out my system so you think you left the conversation satisfied but this feeling just wont go away so now what do you decide to do to ease the pain and the emotions your feeling look at funny videos or shows to take your mind off spend some time with your kids to use as a distraction to get out of your own head and still no progress that feeling you have deepens to the point where its like although you a present physically mentally you are not there its one thought after the next and you think of the methods you used before that didnt work so then you go to the liquor store and get yourself a beverage to just take the edge off and numb the pain your feeling nd thoughts your having but then you notice your almost done that drink and decide to get another and another and one thing leads to the next and now your drunk and your mind is racing and at the same time not thinkng striaght you decide to comfront your demons but in a way where not your creating a bigger problem than before and your fighting yourself mentally because you tried to talk to a friend that didnt work, you tried to have time to yourself and that didnt work so now your drunk and acting out what your feeling to yourself or someone close to you trying to find out why you were sad in the first place what caused you to go so far that you had to keep drinking to subside the emotions how is this even helping you get better and after all of that you still have the problem so do i you really come up with a full blown solution to help with depression you just learn to accept it and pray to God day by day that it will get better you dont blame others for not understanding you or blame yourself for not understanding you do research read the bible and pray and talk to a professional to see how you can manage day to day with mental illness i hope that this help you see that you are not alone that it is a fight and you will get through keep pushing yourself and dont give up

life

Thinking


As I sip my tea, I am beginning to think of life and the different things that have came with it. Last night I had a conversation with someone who became a friend in 8 month time spans. She is alot older than me and a wonderful character. We spoke of love, life and things in general. I notice that its not easy to open up to people when it comes to personal life, but sometimes as adults we just want a listening ear.
She gave me an ear and it was short and sweet, enjoying the fall breeze that came in the night and watching people walk by as we speak on different things. I realized that you never know what someone may be going through. We need to learn to appreciate the smaller things in life!
I am learning everyday that life is not promised and God has us all here for a reason, sometimes it takes some longer than others to get around to what our calling is. I just think God for the small things. I told her I am 32 years old and I been through alot and seen alot in my life but it taught me lessons. Isnt that what we are suppose to gain from our experiences? Its not always easy to get through the day, but pray and study Gods word it will help us get by.

addiction · christian · Drama · family · Friendship · kids · life

Strangest Thing


Strangest thing I thought it was the strangest thing today. That somehow I would care of what this world will think. It is a show almost like a movie where your on the big screen and everyone is watching, eating popcorn and waiting for the action. Strangest thing there is no action today no words to be said and the scene keeps getting delayed. All of the lights are dim and so is the mindset of some of the viewers, because we hide behind the camera and act as if we are rulers. You act like the director of the movie that you are watching instead of taking a seat. How is it so much drama o wait its because of me. Strangest thing how much I am realizing this is all a game. I am a mother now! no way always has been but just took time to get this way. But how will you make it with all these kids they are just in the way. How will you have fun when your changing diapers, and making bottles, How will you get around and you cant drive. How will you work if you are always on the go or knocked up. Strangest thing of how the world can make you feel so low sometimes that you are ready to go, call it quits and end it there but no I cant be that weak I have something here. Even if not who I thought it would be 5 little ones looking back at me. Yes they may see some bad things that I have done, but through this lesson of being a mother its never done! I can scream, I can cry, I can laugh but the show is not over and the pain will not last. God is on my side and my alot of my problems have been erased. The hurt I caused people can not be erased but got has forgiven me and I have forgiven myself. But its not over and I thank God for keeping me hear. Thanks for taking the time open my eyes so that its all so clear!

Uncategorized

She knows


being a child growing up in a household where certain things should be revealed. You have to act normal to the outside world, make it all look like your normal and happy.

Did we have it all yes! We had love, we had each other, we were taught to read, write, act, sing, dance, build, design, etc. we all were able to explore our creative sides of each other.

what we didnt know was that messing with each other in a sexual manner was not normal, we didnt know that as children, or teens. We should not sexual touch each other. We should not put any hand on anyone.

Growing up and having your innocents taking away in a fashion where it had a name, we are growing up and developing exploring each other. so much so that when you finally leave the home that started what i look at as a curse and hope that it stays there and not travel any where else.

it travels everywhere you go but not physically. its all mental, when you see other families and children. you think to yourself are they molesting each other. when you see a man with his daughter your wondering is she really happy and safe or is the trip to the toy story something to cover up for what he will do later in the night.

when everyone looks like a monster to you and you never talk to certain family memembers about it, you lock it away in your mind and live your life.

she knows that its wrong to talk about it, but its wrong to think everyone encountered the same thing that she did. Its crazy to think about it and not realize that as you grow older you look for the traits in people. but are the traits I mean can you really pinpoint it

she knows that your not suppose to bring it back up. she knows that your suppose to put in behind you. she knows she wouldnt dear let that happen to her children or do it to anyone else.

she knows when she went to threapy at the age of 13 to talk about it that it would be reported. she knows that if it was brought up at any family function it would get ignored so what does she do instead wait until she 32 with 5 children to let it out so that someone who is indeed going through it at this very moment know it may seem like your alone.

it may seem like you cant talk about it, it may seem like you wont escape it but there is help. there is a way to get by and you can survive use it as your testimony!

Uncategorized

Thoughtful Teardrop


I thought about dropping a tear today,’ why? I am so frustrated, mad, angry, and sad. What! no way you feel alone? hurt? abused? shame? your not alone> I thought about dropping a tear for the little girl inside that cried and cried. I thought about dropping a tear for the woman who is in a relationship but feel like a single mother. I felt like dropping a tear for the teenager being promiscious and thinking she has to blend in with the crowd> I thought about dropping a tear for the woman who is not sure which way to go but do not want to give up! I thought about dropping a tear for the older woman who think is ok to give your children a negative view of life and think everyone is against you, instead of living your truth!

I didnt cry! I didnt shed the tear! I got up! I prayed! I gave it to God! I forgave the people! I forgave the person! I forgave myself! its a brand new day! the sun is shining! I feel the heat on my back! I see my children smiling! I see my children playing! I can live! I can run, I can jump! I can move! I am not fighting for my life mentally anymore! I decided to share with you! I decided to write! I am alive! I thought about dropping a tear today! but if you need to cry go head let it out and move on! its ok! let it go!