I use to turn up every weekend and then it went from the weekends to everyday. Soon it was more than once a day, I decided that I need to make a change. Change the things I can and accept that things I cant. Easier said than done, You couldnt tell me it wasnt fun. Atleast thats what I thought until in private behind close doors I am throwing up, or feeling like I am not going to make it. Trying to play it off like o yea I can hang, but in reality I was making myself sick. I would tilt my head back to have that shot, just one more drink to numb the pain, just one more drink to make me have the courage to express myself, just one more drink to be the person everyone wants me to be, just one more drink and so I tilt my hand to my mouth and drink that drink. Who cares what it is Im turning up, everyone is loving me, O now I am making a fool of myself but who cares we are all friends right? hahaha o yea they laughing with me huh? haha naw they were laughing at me. I made a ffool of myself and now instead of tilting my head to drink, I tilt my head to think about my life and my children. God kept me here for a reason and I have 5 blessings to show for it. I tilt my head to pray, I tilt my head to really look at the life I have children and new mercy.
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Gentle Breeze
whats that rubbing on my neck? whats the little kisses on my face, the touches on my breast, its inappropriate, i am a little girl. what are you doing? what is the wet spot in my ear. what is the finger inside of me. I am so confused. Why hasnt anyone stop this yet? o give me some suga, your my special one…
I dont get it what are you talking about. there is a house full of people and I want to scream but who will really hear me, when no one pays you attention anyway. How to feel secure when your innocence is being taking away so young? o its just a gentle breeze you feel from a man who says he loves you. Who buys your loves with extra treats or money. ” This is our secret” but wait what is the gentle breeze of my childhood being taking away from me. so young and naive, is this what love feels like. Why do I keep going back to feel the gentle breeze, my hair is standing up on my neck. I am scared and confused. but what is this gentle breeze? how do I get away from it. Ill hide in the bathroom, I run to my room, Ill play around my cousins a little longer. I will stay outside a little longer. Where am I really safe? what is this gentle breeze is it the night air from the open window, the smell or pee or smell of an unwash armpit? what is the gentle breeze? I cant see its dark and my mind is cloudy… But what is this gentle breeze?
Welcome
.” I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”
—Philippians 4:13
No need to be dull! live you life! Prayer helps with everything! God saves! Repent! God will set you free, no need to fight yourself! laugh! write! read! be blessed! Express yourself!
Paperless Tales 