did you really think i would forget the hurt you caused something so familiar like i truly been there before. thinking that this time was the last time, but i said that the last time and that why i know you dont mind playing with my heart. you know i cant be consist with the breakage so you follow through with the breakage. you make sure that i feel what ever you feel with the tit for tat move dont you know this is alll tooo familiar but i fled the scene of that other thing and flew into your arms all for you to do the same. see now i know why u cant tell someone new about someone old. they analyze and collect data and safe it for their records and pull it out later. you thinking you were just venting but you were inventing a new plan and new way for that person to treat you. see they may not show it at first but they have it tuck away in a file oooohhhh and just know when its time it will come out those same familiar scars that you thought you got rid of the bandaids are being removed and new ones are forming but this time its taking longer to heal. this time its taking longer to walk away because they played the long game… you fell for it after a few months letting that guard down tooo soon makes you look like a munch. you made sure you told something new about something old thinking hey u wouldn’t do this would ya mean while you set yourself up for failure. but how could you know, they put on a good show and you were the audience and the victim this is why u gotta choose carefully when you pick em. they already preyed on you while you prayed on them thinking you met your match now think again its ticking time where you thought it was near marriage bells but noo noo dear its just not there. you went into the shit tooo soon to know and let ya guard down and guess what you gotta go. itsm not so simple to walk away because u added more scars to what was already a pain thats why u gotta find you again before moving on or you will never heal and the trauma will keep on going….
Category: Uncategorized
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DESERVE
you know early on when the relationship that you are trying to build isnt for you, but what you do is try to wait it out and compromise. you even try to change who you are to fit the needs of others. where does that leave you? feeling worthless and confused, feeling like all the time you invested was wasted! and you know what it was, because instead of you setting boundaries from the beginning, you allowed the person to talk to you wrongly the first time and it continued. you allowed the person to make it where it was they see you on their time and when its convient for them but you arent allowed to do the same. you allowed the person to strip you of your normal morals and character to fit there needs because of how good it felt in that moment….. whyyyy do we do these things????? why do we let someone run over us, use us, strip away those things we know we wouldnt normally tolerate???? because when you werent shown the proper amount of love at a young age, anything would do just for that moment and its sad because you deserve the world on a silver platter so what do you do instead. give in, you compromise, you take the blame for anything to keep peace. instead of setting boudaries teaching someone how to treat you!!! stand up
STAND UP!! AND TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!!!
Keep IT
keep it short
move out the way
stay focused
are you determined
self medicate with bible
the world aint worth the loss of your soul
keep pushing
yes keep pushing
dont dumb yourself down for anyone
make em level up to you
stay humble
be wise
knowledge and integrity must be used
morals and standards
pray about it dont complain about it
Speak Louder
Im sorry I couldn’t hear you over my negative thoughts
I couldn’t listen to you over my own negativity that has been running through my mind like a mouse on a wheel
Do you think the things you said cut me deep when the cuts I had are still fresh. the words you speak only confirm what I have been feeling
Deep in my mind I often ran to that little girl who was pleasant but always cried out for help she would act up try to be a clown and try to be down so sometimes she comes out in other ways
you think what you did hurts me when I have been trying to silence the voices in my mind
SPEAK LOUDER let you opinion soar don’t shut down now I need more pile it all on me I can handle it because here’s the thing what you don’t see is me crying about it or pouting
O yes Im shouting now because I want you to ((( SPEAK LOUDER))))) make it known that you want to be free cuz I’m going to tell you that I’ve been there and done that and this isn’t my first trip
you think your words hurt when the actions have always been different and then expect a change from me, no please go be free cuz mentally I have been trapped and waiting to get out
SPEAK LOUDER didn’t you hear me the first time when I said its ok no need to explain I can see the pain when you walk away this time keep the same energy you gave me I am going to be free trust this is not over but it’s ok my thoughts will soon be dimmer and I will see clearer precisely who and what this problem is and then… at the point it will be… who knows… easier to speak
Move Forward…
Its ok to have high expectations for someone when you are dating and sometimes we set the bar too high because of past traumas and other situations we come across in our lives when it comes down to it. we need to make sure we are living out exactly what we expect from others too often, we treat situations differently meaning we don’t always allow people to treat us the way we deserve in turn having us set ourselves up for disappointment.
when you allow someone to treat you how you think they should and how you think that allows you to have anyone inside of you and takes you off your focus and your goal. when you allow anyone to have access to you and drop their insecurities and their thoughts and feelings on how it should play out for you, then you lose yourself in their dreams and expectations for you instead of what you set out for yourself.
Dont allow everyone to have access to you, don’t rush to date someone who doesn’t see your worth work hard for yourself to gain what you need to before you allow someone to come in and dictate your life. Stay strong demand respect and allow others to catch up to you. Never drop what you are doing to help someone else follow their dreams never put too much of yourself into anyone else that you lose your identity.
misery loves company
the sad truth is that sometimes people are truly miserable in their lives and find every reason to take that out on you. for example, I have someone in my life who doesn’t like me for whatever reason. I use to wonder what could I have done to this person for them to feel how they feel. Its no reason at all to be so mean.
After pondering on the situation, I realize I allowed myself to get to comfortable with someone who never liked me to begin with, it was just fake. I also prayed about it and after arguing with the person off and on for no reason at all. i came to the conclusion the person is bitter with their life.
this person has to wake up and deal with themselves and whomever else on a daily basis not me. this person has to look in the mirror and realize the life they are living not me. I no longer need to entertain the pettiness or foolishness from this person. its by Gods grace I am changed and all in all I realize its not always you the people have issues with, sometimes its themselves. they have issues with themselves and take it out on you!
so be careful to not allow yourself to be consumed by any of the foolishness that people try to throw at you, live your life and put your best foot forward, at the end of the day its you against you.
What I enjoy most in my leisure time
What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?
I enjoy listening to inspirational music or watching inspirational videos and studying the word of God. I feel like every time you open the bible you discover something new. I also enjoy spending time just clearing my head, because my thoughts run a mile a minute so a nice journal dump helps me to ease my mind.
5 things I do for fun
List five things you do for fun.
Read my bible
Have a movie night with my children
Do arts and crafts with my children
Journal
make facebook reels
My last Goodbye….
I shed a tear because I have no more tears left to cry
It’s like I’ve become numb to all of the foolishness and the lies
Too much on my mind, my thoughts running wild over the lies
but it’s not all on you, it’s me too! I was not supportive enough
I didn’t make you feel safe and secure, so you ran to something new
You ran to something new or maybe even comforting.
How am I supposed to believe that is all not happening,
As I sit and watch it unfold, I pray to God that you have exactly what you are looking for
Don’t worry, I’ll be fine when its all said it done it was a long journey
lots of pain, lots of joy, lots of laughter but no matter where we stand today
You are still someone who was empathizing with my pain
you look me in my face and told a lie and this one is something I can’t come back from
so as I am packing my bags and walking out ill be sure to leave a note to list the reasons why
I can’t keep masking the pain I feel inside
smiling in your face knowing you just came from a stranger’s place
I can’t speak to you the same, call me crazy but this is a different kind of escape this time around
no need to worry God is going to hold you down and when you come out of that lost place you are in
just remember you still have a friend.
Deeper than Depression
I have to sometimes find ways to channel my depression like truly as a mother your not aloud to be sad or have break downs you have to figure out which way to handle certain things that can cause a trigger in your life like a song, smell, location, or even person. you cant sit in front of your child and cry and so you decide to find a quiet place in the house away from the noise and just cry or either scream or pray but u decided once you get it out your system that there is not turning back that it has been taking care of. but what if it hasnt and just like a band aid covering an wound you decide to pick at the scab until it bleeds and it has to be treated again you decide the first way you handled the issue didnt work so you try another method calling a friend now this friend you calll u dont really know what they got going on in their life but you just know they answer and then you break down all of your emotions and tirggers of what is causing you to sink into depression and you think there that it they have listened gave feedback and i got it out my system so you think you left the conversation satisfied but this feeling just wont go away so now what do you decide to do to ease the pain and the emotions your feeling look at funny videos or shows to take your mind off spend some time with your kids to use as a distraction to get out of your own head and still no progress that feeling you have deepens to the point where its like although you a present physically mentally you are not there its one thought after the next and you think of the methods you used before that didnt work so then you go to the liquor store and get yourself a beverage to just take the edge off and numb the pain your feeling nd thoughts your having but then you notice your almost done that drink and decide to get another and another and one thing leads to the next and now your drunk and your mind is racing and at the same time not thinkng striaght you decide to comfront your demons but in a way where not your creating a bigger problem than before and your fighting yourself mentally because you tried to talk to a friend that didnt work, you tried to have time to yourself and that didnt work so now your drunk and acting out what your feeling to yourself or someone close to you trying to find out why you were sad in the first place what caused you to go so far that you had to keep drinking to subside the emotions how is this even helping you get better and after all of that you still have the problem so do i you really come up with a full blown solution to help with depression you just learn to accept it and pray to God day by day that it will get better you dont blame others for not understanding you or blame yourself for not understanding you do research read the bible and pray and talk to a professional to see how you can manage day to day with mental illness i hope that this help you see that you are not alone that it is a fight and you will get through keep pushing yourself and dont give up
Paperless Tales 