abused – Paperless Tales

**Day 2: Taking Control of My Day**

I didn’t ask to be anyone’s emotional dumping ground. I didn’t ask to carry the weight of people who show up in and out of my life whenever it’s convenient for them.

My story starts young. My grandma took me in when I was three. The abuse in that house didn’t start right away, it came later, after my father passed, and it lasted until I was fourteen, when we finally moved. That part isn’t her fault. But over the years, she’s been in and out of my life, on her own terms, up until I got my own place.

When I got my own place, I opened the door wide. I told her wherever I live, she’s welcome. I meant it. I paid her to help raise my son while I worked. I helped her get her Social Security. I let arguments happen with people I was dating just so she’d always have somewhere to land. I even moved to be closer to her and my brother.

And still, every time I asked for help, I got complaints. Fussing in the morning. A smirk when things got hard for me, like some quiet satisfaction that I’d finally hit my breaking point.

So today, I told her to leave.

She didn’t take it seriously, because she’s used to me calming down and letting her back in. But this time, my brother is handling her things when he’s back from vacation. She can stay with him or wherever she was before.

Then she told my son I’d asked her to leave. He packed a bag and left with her. I’m not angry that he packed a bag. I’m angry that he chose not to stand on his own.

Here’s what I’ve learned: I never held it against my mom that my grandma raised me. Grandma didn’t have to take me in, but she did, and I never made my mom pay for that. But somehow, no matter what I do or how much I give, it’s never enough. I’m always the one absorbing the disrespect while everyone else’s shortcomings get excused.

I have five other children who need me present, today, not tomorrow. I can’t keep pouring myself into people who only show up to take.

So today, I’m choosing peace over chaos. I’m not afraid anymore. I’m handing the rest over to God, and I’m walking forward.

**If it costs you peace, remove it.**

*”Let the peace of God rule in your hearts…”* — Colossians 3:15

*”Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee.”* — Isaiah 26:3

#Day2 #TakingControl #ProtectYourPeace #FaithOverFear #SingleMomLife #GodIsInControl #BetterThanYesterday #ChristianMom #BreakingCycles #FamilyHealing

She was there! but she wasnt really there. She was going through Post Traumatic Stress and we endure a lot of the back lash from it. She was there but she wasnt there. She would leave for hours at a time. Come back and fuss, ” who came inside the house?” lie as a child so you do not get a beating. the neighbor didnt come in but I am going to say he did. Why ? because at some point before I was born, he really did come in and hurt a sibling> But I didnt get hurt by a neighbor. I got hurt by family and so did she, that is why she was an alcoholic. My mother was there wasnt she. Is the pain she felt why she yelled at us. Did she blame us for her loneliness. Why was she there but not really, talking to herself looking out of the window. Drawing things that didn’t make sense in my mind. My mother was there wasn’t she. Until we got took away from her and sent to live with grandma. ” she is lost” grandma said mommy is hurting. Is that why she put us out. is that why she pushed us away> what did we do, I saw my step pop push you down the steps. My mother was there wasnt she, but not really. I saw him choke you, I saw him throw you against the wall. I saw things being thrown and broke. I heard you say stop! I heard him say no! but my mom was there. I saw yall smile the next day while we went food shopping and clothing shopping. I saw her talk to herself when you werent there. My mother was there wasnt she…

Tag: abused

Taking Control

Motherless