Category: journaling
Taking Control
**Day 2: Taking Control of My Day**
I didn’t ask to be anyone’s emotional dumping ground. I didn’t ask to carry the weight of people who show up in and out of my life whenever it’s convenient for them.
My story starts young. My grandma took me in when I was three. The abuse in that house didn’t start right away, it came later, after my father passed, and it lasted until I was fourteen, when we finally moved. That part isn’t her fault. But over the years, she’s been in and out of my life, on her own terms, up until I got my own place.
When I got my own place, I opened the door wide. I told her wherever I live, she’s welcome. I meant it. I paid her to help raise my son while I worked. I helped her get her Social Security. I let arguments happen with people I was dating just so she’d always have somewhere to land. I even moved to be closer to her and my brother.
And still, every time I asked for help, I got complaints. Fussing in the morning. A smirk when things got hard for me, like some quiet satisfaction that I’d finally hit my breaking point.
So today, I told her to leave.
She didn’t take it seriously, because she’s used to me calming down and letting her back in. But this time, my brother is handling her things when he’s back from vacation. She can stay with him or wherever she was before.
Then she told my son I’d asked her to leave. He packed a bag and left with her. I’m not angry that he packed a bag. I’m angry that he chose not to stand on his own.
Here’s what I’ve learned: I never held it against my mom that my grandma raised me. Grandma didn’t have to take me in, but she did, and I never made my mom pay for that. But somehow, no matter what I do or how much I give, it’s never enough. I’m always the one absorbing the disrespect while everyone else’s shortcomings get excused.
I have five other children who need me present, today, not tomorrow. I can’t keep pouring myself into people who only show up to take.
So today, I’m choosing peace over chaos. I’m not afraid anymore. I’m handing the rest over to God, and I’m walking forward.
**If it costs you peace, remove it.**
*”Let the peace of God rule in your hearts…”* — Colossians 3:15
*”Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee.”* — Isaiah 26:3
#Day2 #TakingControl #ProtectYourPeace #FaithOverFear #SingleMomLife #GodIsInControl #BetterThanYesterday #ChristianMom #BreakingCycles #FamilyHealing
Pondering
How do you instill things in your children that will help them grow and learn?
How do you get your children to understand how to be obedient and listen without overwhelming yourself?
I don’t want to keep using the same methods that didn’t get me anywhere with my older son with my younger children, so I tried to talk more and be more patient versus how I was with my older son and just discipline him every chance I got..
As I get older and my children grow older, it seems like talking to them at times feels like a lot like nobody is comprehending or understanding what it is that I’m trying to instill in them or teach them.
I grew up with several different ways of being disciplined and the ways that I chose to utilize what I was taught was not always good with my oldest child so I’m trying to be different with my other children…
What are some ways that you feel you can teach your children how to listen and understand what you’re teaching them without huge confusion or confrontation??
I genuinely would like an answer as to how you parent your children and what were the results of your parenting techniques that you use on your children?
SOMETHING TO CONSIDER
Why is it that when you want things done a certain way it doesn’t happen like that why is it that when somebody else wants things done a certain way we can go out of our way sometimes to do with someone else wants but don’t give the same energy to ourselves it’s not easy to even do things for others but we will make sure we get it done.
We don’t give ourselves the same time in the same energy that we do others and sometimes it makes us feel good when we go out of our way for other people but we need to begin to make ourselves feel good and go out of our way for ourselves I think that one of the things that help is helped me over the years begin to do things for myself more often than usual it should just stop and take in what’s going on around me
I’m learning that it seems to be easier to go out of our way for others than it is ourselves and in order for me personally to make time for me I decide that I’m going to turn my phone off play my music and justice enjoy peace and quiet if I don’t want to hear any music
I’m realizing that it’s easier said than done but it’s something that has to be consistent and it’s something that has to happen because if it doesn’t happen then I’m left to wonder why I’m going through so much confusion and why I feel overwhelmed and why I feel like I’m not getting anywhere so when it comes to these things and when I feel this way I have to shut the world out because I cannot continue to do for others and pour into others if I can’t pour into myself the same way I think you should give it a try it definitely makes the difference
Escaping Through Words: A Personal Reflection
I begin to find myself through the escaping pen
all I wanted was freedom and didn’t know where to start or where it would end
I decided to escape through the keyboard and digital paper to write a means to my end
and once I started typing, I didn’t know where my lines would end
so I just made sure to express myself the way I truly wanted because if you really knew me, then you wouldn’t want to hear about it
hear about my day to day or even the one that got away,
Now, I’m glad you decided to tune in and see what journey I choose to write about with my digital pen. I like it this way because it has the trail that will stay; even a physical copy is something that will fade away
I want to see how far it will go
I want to see where it will land
I want to see how much I can do
I wasn’t sure where I would land
I didn’t know where to start
I was always set apart from others and writing was my escape plan
Thanks to my sisters, I can start again
and so
and soo
and soooo
I begin again……
